Saturday, June 26, 2010
Blood isn't glue it doesn't make bonds
I just don't understand why I just don't matter to anyone. Why is it so easy for me to remember and so easy for others to forget? For years (17) I held on to my memories of when I had a close family, my lil cousins (some older) and when we used to play together. I remember my aunts doing my hair or trying to because I am tender headed. I remember playing with the neighbors on their block even (Brandy and her daughter Courtney who they probably remember too),Eli,Dawud whom I later found out were my cousin yet I remember. I remember a lady Ms.Sykes she had a dear in her yard lol it was fake n still there today might I add even though she is not. Though I have all my memories ( I only named a few) nobody remembers me. Nobody knows who I am, I was just left behind. It hurts so badly, you ride the bus and see your cousin and they have no idea who you are. Your Aunts calling you other people names , your own father adopting two children yet never being apart of your life....or your children in fact having children a year older than your oldest(his ONLY grand children I think) I grew up scared to date because I didn't know if guys were related to me or not. Being reunited with my family was the most painful thing in the world I ever went through. Ca you imagine wanting to hug your cousin or aunt or uncle and they ask Who are You yet everyone else in the room they know I still cry like I'm doing now and yes it still hurts. I missed them so much just to find out I was dismissed, replaced,never missed,never thought about I apologize for the one reader of my blog which my family doesn't read because its me and I'm only blood there is no bond but I can't complete this blog i didn't realize how painful it will be
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I remember you vividly. I remember when you were born and how your dad paraded you around like his prize possession. I remember playing with you and your sister, running up and down the sidewalk. Then I remember not seeing you anymore, I didn't see your father as well, not unless something major happened in the family but still you weren't around. At 10, 14 etc, there's nothing I could do..at 20, 21,22, there's nothing I could do...so yes the family bond became weak at best but never dissolved as you can tell by the family that has reunited with you via facebook, thru invites to event etc. We want to know you, love you, be there for you as best to our own ability. That ability may vary, it may be just a fb thing for one and an every day thing face to face for others.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently hundreds of miles away from my family side that you are apart. I have come to realize something with age and maturity. My bond with my extended family is MY responsibility. I have to call, to visit, to make myself available to be apart of my family. They have lives, they have separate bonds with family members that may be closer but that doesn't negate our overall bond as family.